discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
