So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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