Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
