Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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