What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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