It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
