Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
