the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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