So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
