Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
