Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
