When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
