We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i think i just lost a toe
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
