I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
