Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
