ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
