they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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