Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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