Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
