I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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