Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
