i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
