You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
