girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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