Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
