you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you never un-have a 4some
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
