i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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