my room smells like sperm. sweet.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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