College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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