How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
