are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
