We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
