so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
