The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
