i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
