Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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