You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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