did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
