Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
