new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
