i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
