im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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