god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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