That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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