so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
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I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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