Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
