hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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