turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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