just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
