god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
