considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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