Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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