My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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