Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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