ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
