and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
