Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My vagina is officially offended.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
